Day 21: Love is Satisfied in God

Yesterday’s dare focused on our relationship with God. This chapter stresses that our spouse will never meet all of our damands for two reasons: 1) I am unreasonable at times and 2) my husband is human. I cannot argue with any of those and I am slowly starting to see this. How can my husband possibly live up to all of the unrealistic expectations that I have? I couldn’t even do this. The only person who can fulfill all of my needs is God. I know this intellectually, but I must work on my relationship with God so, I can begin to believe this with all of my body, heart,  mind, and soul.

God wants us to know that he can give us inner peace and fully satisfy everyone of our needs if we will only let him. This chapter had several verses from the Bible, but two really stuck out to me. The first is my favorite Bible scripture, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in in every situation, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guide your hearts and your in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4: 6-7). The other verse said, “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4: 12-13).

TODAY’S DARE : Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day (there are thirty-one—a full month’s supply), or reading a chapter in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with Him.

Before going on our trip, I was getting up every morning and praying before my husband Got up. This helped me to start the day with God and I was really enjoying it and getting into a routine. My routine was thrown off from our trip and although I did pray, I only spent that dedicated time with God once while away. I also did not start back up when I first returned. I made excuses about the time difference, but this dare got me started again. I did not do it until later in the evening yesterday, but it was exactly what I needed. I find that I am more sensitive to my husband’s needs and that I am looking for wisdom. I also got back to my daily prayer and study this morning. As I learn to lean on God, I can be a better wife.

Halfway There! This calls for a CELEBRATION!

As I have mentioned several times, I have started and re-started the love dare several times in the past 3-4 years. I even had to re-start since I began my blogging venture. You can find that post here. So, I am THRILLED that I have actually made it this far. I have NEVER made it to Day 20 and I am committed and dedicated to finishing this challenge.

Well thanks for joining in with me on my celebration and Praise Break! The struggle continues…

Day 20: Love is Jesus Christ

This chapter reminds us that anything we have done can be forgiven. It also reminds us that we have a sinful nature and that we can become clean with the Lord. It reminds us of the ultimate sacrifice that God gave when sending his son to die for our sins. Remember, we are a bunch of sinners. If Jesus, was willing to die for me, then I know that I am loved. When I am feeling down about myself, I need to remember that God proved his love by making my life valuable. I cannot completely understand this love, nor can I earn this love. The Love Dare remind me that I must receive this love.

If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. – Romans 10:9-10

Why do I always want to make things so difficult. I don’t need to stop arguing or have a year of “good days” before I can be saved. I can be saved now and leave all of the fixing to God. Lord, I believe that you raised Jesus from the dead so that I would be saved. I believe that Jesus is Lord and I ask that you take up residence in my heart. Thank you for loving me despite my flaws and for loving me when I did not return your love. Please help me to love my husband in this manner.

TODAY’S DARE : Dare to take God at His Word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation. Dare to pray, “Lord Jesus, I’m a sinner. But You have shown Your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your power to save me from death by Your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace.”

We are back home and what better way to start back to my regular routine. I have said this prayer and I can feel God working in my life.

Day 19: Love is Impossible

Love is Impossible…

Wait… Did I just read that correctly? In moments of emotion, I definitely think to myself that my husband is impossible, but love? I thought that love conquered all. Hahaha. Ok. With all jokes aside it has become evident that the type of love discussed in the Love Dare, the agape love is impossible. But God… How blessed are we to serve a God who can make the impossible, possible? I have to believe that God is the answer because all of my hard work, determination, and love has been inadequate to combat feelings of anger, hurt, resentment, and pain. So, we must surrender to God.

Surrender to God. It sounds easy, but it is one of the hardest things to do. For some reason, I have always struggled with control. I don’t need to be in charge, but I need to know the expectations of me. This causes stress in my marriage at times. On the weekends, I want to know a list of the things we need to accomplish so that I can plan accordingly. When my husband is just waking up on a Sunday morning, this is the last thing he wants to answer. I believe that God is teaching me to give up control and trust in him. I worry about so much and I have control over nothing. So why not, let guide lead me. This is something I am working towards in my marriage and in my life.

TODAY’S DARE: Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.

This dare fell on a great day because it was on my husband’s birthday. When I think back on all of the dares, it is clear that I need God’s guidance. I am finding that when I am connected to God, I have a strength that seems impossible. This strengths helps me to let go of snide remarks, ignore small things, and focus on showing my husband love. When I am hurt or upset, I try to focus on my relationship with God. It helps me to focus on something other than my hurt and helps me to do the impossible.

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. —Philippians 4:13

Day 18: Love Seeks to Understand

The dare for this day was to seek to understand. If I had to pick the one thing that I am constantly asking for, from my husband is that he would understand me. However, I need to be more focused on whether I understand my spouse. I tend to shy away from asking questions in an attempt to avoid a defensive response. But if I am honest, I could probably learn so much more about my husband with a softer tone. I tried this attempt on this day and it went pretty well. I am reminded that I need to talk to my husband more and learn more about him.

The focus of this day is also a small source of pride for me. I have found that I struggled with most days, but I think I learn a lot about my husband. I enjoy sports, but have learned a lot more about them to interact with my husband. I also ask questions about his interests and tend to have deep conversations with him when given this chance. I will use this as a strength to grow on.

TODAY’S DARE: Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.

We were out of town in a hotel so, I couldn’t prepare a meal for him, but I did order food for him and walk and get him a dessert. This counts doesn’t it? We talked mostly about sports because their were NCAA tournament games going on, but if he’s happy… I’m happy. Usually.

I’m Back and Still Pushing Through the Dares

As I stated in previous blogs, my husband and I have been out of town. Despite one disagreement and several unexpected challenges, we had a GREAT trip. I had been praying that this trip would rejuvenate our relationship and I see God working. I was expecting a more “passionately in love” type of feeling, but what I got was even better. I definitely feel as if we have “leveled off.” It’s sort of hard to describe, but it seems as if we are both more comfortable with each other and with our relationship. We are content with each other and are enjoying each other. For that, I am thankful.

I did keep up with the dares and I will try to post and get caught up. I am starting to embrace the journey and the fact that as I have a better relationship with God, I will change in a way that will improve my relationships. Stay tuned…

Day 17: Love Promote Intimacy

Today’s chapter talks about promoting intimacy in my marriage. This chapter really hit home for me and will be very important in God’s work to improve our marriage. The readings for this dare say that, “Each of us comes into life with an inborn hunger to be known, loved, and accepted.” It goes on to say that marriage and living with your spouse can can help take the intimacy level as high as possible. This high level of intimacy has some huge risks (we can be hurt in ways we will struggle to recover from) and huge benefits (we can receive love in ways we never imagined).

This chapter also asked whether my husband would say that he feels safe or scared with me. I am ashamed to report that my husband has told me that he does not feel safe with me. He told me that he feels like he is walking on egg shells. He grew up in a home where his father was verbally and physically abusive. Because of this, my spouse does not like arguing and tries to have “no drama” because he does not want to live in an explosive environment. When we argue, he will often shutdown and want to be left alone. I will keep arguing with him, may cry, or scream, or bang things down to get his attention. He has shared with me that this behavior makes him feel angry and scared. He says he feels himself become so angry inside and he doesn’t want to feel,that way. Especially, with his history.

I have worked on this and I think things have improved. However, my husband still feels as if I push his buttons. Even when I don’t escalate an argument it is hard for him to believe that he can trust me to stay calm and not push his buttons in an argument. If I could ask you to pray for one thing, it would be that God helps me to stay calm in disagreements and that my behavior allows my husband to trust me and feel safe with me.

TODAY’s DARE: Determine to guard your mate’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.

My husband and I will go out today for dinner. I will talk to him and try to do this dare. Look for the update.

Day 16: Love Intercedes

Yesterday’s dare was about interceding with prayer instead of my typical approaches. There are times when I get prideful and I think I can change my husband on my own. I think, “I’ll just shut down until he learns to treat me better” or “If I tell him how I feel this last time, he will finally get it and treat me differently.” These thoughts and strategies have not worked, yet I find myself repeating them over and over again. The act of repeating the same behavior with the hope of getting something different has been called insanity. Well….. If the shoe fits…..

Regardless of my actions, God is the only one who can change my husband. This chapter suggests that God makes us aware of our spouse’s flaws so, that we can go to God and prayer for our spouse. This makes me think about a book that I just read by Paul Miller,titled A Praying Life. The author states that he does his best job as a husband, father, and friend when he prays. This book was phenomenal and has really helped me to adjust and improve my praying life. I would recommend this to anyone who needs to improve their prayer life or their relationship with God. It has helped change me and my intimacy with the Lord. The image is below. Let me know what you think.

TODAY’S DARE: Begin praying today for your spouse’s heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse’s life and in your marriage.

Dear God,
You are awesome and I am so grateful for the things you are doing in my life and my marriage. Lord, you are the ultimate comforter, supporter, and provider. You are my example of how to love and You have never turned Your back on me despite the times when I have turned from you. Father, I know that marriage is not supposed to be easy all of the time, but I ask that you intervene in mine. Lord, we argue and we fuss, but I ask that you help us to grow a bond with you that will strengthen our marriage and help us to do good, not harm each other. Lord, I know that I am as much at fault in my marriage as much as he is and I ask,that you help me to change. I cannot do it without you. Lord, I ask that you also work with my husband on these things:

1) Please, help him to grow spiritually and develop a deeper relationship with you. Lord, I have seen you make changes in this area already. He has accepted you in his life and is praying with me in the morning. lord, I ask that you continue to work on him and help him to improve his relationship with you.

2) I ask that you open my husband’s heart. He has had several things happen to him in the past that make it hard for him to trust and be vulnerable. He has some negative views of me at times and this some times causes him to shut me out. Lord, I ask that you allow his heart to let me in. I ask that you help him to trust me and be vulnerable with me. Please prepare his heart for intimacy with me.

3) Father, I also ask that you help him as the leader of his family. I pray that you help him to make child business decisions for the family. I also ask that you help him to develop as a leader that will guide us into a vibrant future.

God, Thank you for being You and for hearing and answering my prayers.

Day 15: Love is Honorable

Today’s dare focused on honoring my spouse. This is an important message for me because my husband values respect. He hates when he feels like he is not being respected, as he should. The only trouble is, we don’t always agree on how respect should look. The more and more I think about this, the more I want to make sure that I am always treating my husband as if he is special to me. So, I want to speak to him politely and lovingly no matter how angry/frustrated/disappointed I am. I can’t wait until I get to a place where I am able to do this consistently. I can say that I am getting closer.

Along with honorable, this chapter also talked about my spouse being holy. Meaning, I should be treating him as if he is unique and that no once can rival him in my heart. He should be sacred to me and should be honored, praised, and defended. If I did this consistently, I think my husband would feel so loved that I would set about change in my marriage. The Lord is really working on my heart and helping me to see what I can do and focus on in my marriage to improve our life together. I am saying to my husbad today, “Of all the relationships I have, I will value ours most. Of all the things I’m willing to sacrifice, I wil sacrifice for you the most.

TODAY’S DARE: Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.

I did this today by folding and packing all of his clothes with no complaints. We are going out of town tomorrow for work and his birthday and I asked him to pull at his clothes. Typically, I would nag him or fuss, or get mad. Today, I decided to fold and pack his clothes with no complaints. When I called him to help me pack, I only asked him to verify that I had everything and asked him was he okay with the way things were packed. He didn’t have a huge thank you, but I could tell he appreciated my hard work and he appreciated being able to relax without feeling my attitude from the other room. So, Today was a good day. Pray for us as we rarely make it through a trip without a huge fight. I have been praying for this trip for weeks. I am asking God to change me and open my heart and my husband’s heart. I am asking that this trip will help us to reconnect and improve our marriage. God is with us.

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. – Romans 12:10

Day 14: Love takes Delight

Yesterday’s dare was about delighting in my mate, despite challenges, obstacles, or my feelings. It was refreshing to read that being constantly thrilled to see and be around your spouse is unrealistic. Not because I don’t want to be around my spouse, but because I get worried when my spouse doesn’t seem like he wants to be around me. My husband is an introvert and there are times when he just wants to be left alone. When he gets that way, I become insecure and wonder whether he still loves me. I thing become clingy which annoys him. I know all of this but for some reason I get stuck in the same patterns.

This chapter also talked about the importance of making a choice to enjoy my spouse. Anyone who knows me would say that I love and enjoy my spouse. However, when I really think about it, I can hold onto unhealthy feelings and sabotage our relationship. This chapter helped me to think about the things that made me fall in love with my husband. His humor. His loyalty. His sense of responsibility. His charm. HIs standards and the list goes on. The chapter ends with this statement: “The responsibility is yours to relearn what you love about this one to whom you’ve promised yourself forever” (61). I will take this responsibility seriously.

TODAY’S DARE : Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they’d really like to work on. Just be together.

This dare was a good one for me to work on. I chose to watch television with my husband for a few hours while neglecting my usual connection to my laptop. My husband and I are both workaholics. We are very blessed because we both love our jobs. However, my husband does a better job at putting work down when we spend time together. I am constantly on my laptop or working on a project from my iPad. I do it so often that I can be immersed in work for hours before I realize I am doing this. This frustrates my husband and makes him feel as if he comes second. So, I closed my laptop and we spent several hours watching the NCAA tournament. I actually enjoyed it and I think my husband did, too. I am not sure that he noticed that I wasn’t working or checking my email, but I realized that I can truly enjoy my husband when I am engaged. This is a good sign… I am feeling very hopeful.